Amazing what one can find

Two weekends ago, Virginia and I were in Portland, Oregon visiting her brother and his family. We always enjoy visiting with him and his wife, not to mention the fun we have with their 6 kids. Portland was having unseasonable weather as there were two sunny days in a row. With the nice weather, two of their girls wanted to have a picnic with me in the park/highschool grounds across the street.

While walking through the grassy area on the school grounds, I walked over a small baggie that contained a yellow brown crystalline substance. I really didn't want to handle this thing, but I couldn't just leave it there either. I gave it to my brother-in-law to have it destroyed. He contacted the Portland police who sent over an officer to take possession of the drug. Our suspicion was that it was crystal meth and the police officer guessed the same. Though I know about this drug, I've never had the displeasure of seeing it first hand until now.

We used this instance to teach all the kids what this particular drug looked like and to not handle it. The officer also explained what the drug does and how it can wreak someones life. It seems that many of us know someone personally where this drug has damaged an otherwise good person. I can only hope that these kids learned a valuable lesson and never touch this stuff.

Later that day, the police officer confirmed what the drug was after testing it. There must be a really bummed drug dealer out there because the officer appraised the street value at about $600. She explained that this was a very pure form in large crystals and not the powdery stuff the users usually use. I'm glad this little bit is off the streets.

The scariest part here is that I found it on school grounds where some kids could have thought it was rock candy and eat it, or a dog could have consumed it. I don't know how lethal eating crystal meth is, but I don't want some child to find out the hard way. All's well that ends well.

More documents in Ukraine

Our redoes are done and we're doing the waiting game again. We expedited the apostilles again so we could get the docs to Ukraine as soon as possible. We've been told that we are on top of our facilitators list to be submitted so you can understand our rush. We're hoping to hear some positive news very soon. The documents got to Kiev on Friday but were not delivered because of a customs delay; they should be delivered on Monday. I suppose these will need to be translated and be ready by the end of the week.

On another note, most of you following Ukrainian adoptions know the SDA is now accepting dossiers again. I was informed that the dossiers being accepted were those for older and special needs children (not that they all aren't special needs). I suppose that as the new gov't settles in, it'll speed up the processing of the dossiers. We can only hope.

As many have said before us, as we say now, and those that will say it after us, "It's worth it in the end". We don't question this by any means and keeps us pushing on.

May a Smile be Upon You All

We received our state background checks in the mail today :). First thing tomorrow morning I'll be heading to Carson City to have these documents Apostilled. Due to cost, we'll have to wait until Monday to pick up the documents and then get them shipped off. We're hoping this update will be the last one we'll have to do and the dossier can get submitted.

Just a quick update, no novella today. Virginia is always telling me that I ramble on so, and here I'm doing it again.

I do want to thank the Nevada Department of Safety for getting me these documents in a VERY timely manner. Thanks!!

More Dossier Updates

Originally, when we started this blog, we imagined that there would be more updates than what we have. We also planned on just keeping this blog specifically orientated to our adoption process. Well, from the lack of updates, you can see that the process is going much slower than we had hoped and expected. So far, we are keeping this blog adoption process related.

It's hard to believe that it's already time to update some of our documents. We got an email last week listing three items that needed to be updated, the state security check, physicals w/tests and the home study social workers license (it expired on Dec 31st, 2007). It's Tuesday and we have completed the physicals w/tests, the SW license and are awaiting the security checks in the mail. When I submitted the forms and fingerprints, they said that it would be several weeks because they were backed up. I asked if there was a way to speed things up and explained why we were in a hurry. I was advised to make a note on the forms because the person who does the checks is sympathetic to adoptions and I might just get it expedited. We wait by the mail box each day with baited breath. OK, we're usually at work when the mail comes but it's the first thing checked before we step into the house.

When our Dossier was sent to Ukraine, we had hoped that this stage of hurry up and wait was over. Now, here we are again. We've read many blogs and stories of this part of the journey taking 1 to 2 years and couldn't understand how this could be. Now we know and hope to get through this once and for all. We're approaching the year mark when we started this process in earnest (it's been such a long year). When we started this process, we never would've expected this to happen unless the Ukrainian gov't closed it down again. We did get caught up in the quota shutout and that's what has slowed this process down. We're hoping that 2008 will be the year!

Lastly, there is significant cost with these redo's. And, since we are needing to hurry the process to try and get it done in early February, we once again need to expedite these documents through the apostille process. The basic cost of redoing these documents is at least $500, assuming our insurance is going to cover the physicals and lab tests. OUCH!!

A little late for us, but the lesson I can pass on to others is this:
-The HS and USCIS takes the most time to complete.
-The state security checks take about 3 weeks and is about the second longest process.
-If hindsight was foresite, I would have waited to do the simple, quick tasks till the end so I wouldn't have to worry about those items expiring too soon.
-If you do have to redo documents, it much easier because you already know the paths :).

We hope this little bit of info can help others keep their expenses down in the end.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year and a belated Merry Christmas.

My intentions for this blog is to keep is pretty close to our adoption journey. Well, as you can see, there hasn't been anything happening for the last month. This was such a disappointment for Virginia and I. We were hoping that we would have been accepted in the 2007 submittals but just wasn't in the cards for us. We know our kids are there when we get there, but it's still hard to now push this out several more months.

Our New Years was quiet like usual. It's not a big deal for us. We spent it at home with our nephew and one of my wife's brothers. We watched all three "Resident Evil" movies and had a wonderful dinner.

Our Christmas started on a rough note but ended up being quite a wonderful experience. We decided to visit with one of Virginia's brother and family in Bend, Oregon. The roads were very icy and just enough so to put us in a ditch after doing a few 360's. I wanted to cry, but we were both unharmed and the damage could have been much worse. I baby my '06 Mustang and didn't even have a door ding after having her for over 2 years. Oh well, I guess that's what insurance is for.

Our visit went wonderfully. Bill and Laura have 5 kids living at home from ages 8 to 14. I had forgotten what it was like celebrating Christmas with so many young ones (I'm the youngest of 6). It was great just playing games and spending time together. They are a great bunch and we are glad to be a part of their family. It's these kids that made me realize that not having any children is what was lacking in my life as well as Virginia's.

As for our adoption, it's time to look at the expiration date of some of the documents and get them redone. We're concerned about all the appearant changes in Ukraine and hope these will settle down for the betterment of the children. I hope all goes well with those in the process and it goes easier for those about to embark on their own Ukraine adoption journey.

Happy Holidays to All.

Fear

Fear: concern or anxiety; solicitude

I was reading a post on one of the adoption boards about fears experienced during the adoption process. I was tempted to post a reply only to realize that the current fears are mostly different than the fears when starting our process. Since we are in the middle of the process, this post will only address those fears up to the current stage.

Our first concern was how a child/children would change our relationship. We are soul mates and extremely close, now for over 17 years. We weren’t sure if we would be able to share our time on such a level that an adoptee would require. Without having the ability to have any bio children of our own, these were untested waters. We did spend a lot of time with our nephews and niece, but this we knew is different than having a child of our own. What we did share was a love of children and a growing need to have our own; to raise and nurture, to love and be loved, to teach and be taught by. We decided that our relationship was such that it allowed us to bring children into our lives and we would stand together, all of us. And so our adoption journey began, pushing aside any fears of change that will happen.

The fear of a failed adoption is still quite real after we experienced a failed attempt at a stateside adoption. We don’t have a strong need to adopt an infant (many others want it therefore we left it to them) so we started the process for a special needs child/children in Nevada. To make a long story short, everyone who went through the classes with us did not adopt due to different problems with the process. The local process has changed, but we weren’t willing to put ourselves through that process again. Also, the thought of having a birth parent suing for custody of our children steered us to international adoption.

How were we going to pay for an international adoption? Was our place of residence appropriate for raising kids? Without yet deciding on a country, we started saving money in general. It wasn’t a conscious decision for adoption, but the purpose was guided by a future adoption. We needed a larger residence that could accommodate us all so our purchase was larger than what we currently needed but adequate for a larger family. So we started saving again specifically with an adoption in mind. A small inheritance from my father allowed us to boost our savings to a point where we could now seriously look at IA adoption.

With those fears alleviated, it was time to choose a country. Ukraine always tugged at our hearts so we started doing the research. Ukraine had its own problems; corruption, unstable process, language and culture to name a few. It seems that the unstable process was our first hurdle. When we were about to move forward, Ukraine closed the process down. We looked at other countries but decided to wait awhile to see what is going to happen. We preferred the idea of a blind adoption for fear of attaching to a picture and profile only to have that child not being available for us (for whatever reason). By choosing Ukraine, we alleviated that fear and changed it for an uncertainty. Their process is on and off again, but we are now entrenched in the process so there isn’t any need to fear as we’re now just going with the flow. Though many call it corruption, we call it a difference in culture which can be resolved with money and connections. Our own country has expediting fees, the difference is that we post the costs up front. This is where the “who you know” is important and we feel we found a facilitator that we can depend on without nickel and diming us to the poorhouse. Language and culture are always a fear so we are addressing this. I’m learning some Ukrainian and Virginia and I will work on Russian together. I’ve read what I can on Ukraine but there is nothing like being there; soon enough.

The largest fear was actually related to the health of the children in Ukraine. We are ready to handle children with moderate problems, both physical and psychological. For awhile, RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) was our strongest fear. What can we do with a child that will not attach and has little regard for those around them. FAS/FAE (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Fetal Alcohol Exposure) is a strong concern as are so many other labels that many of these children have. I find that education has alleviated many of those fears as each has a way of being dealt with. It may take extra patience, love and a different parenting style but all can be dealt with in time. Are we going to get a perfect child (whatever that is)? In a word NO. But together, we will overcome whatever issues come up and bring these children up the best we can with whatever resources we can use. It’s not uncommon to have a Ukrainian diagnosis to be falsified by an American doctor. It’s also common to have conditions that are not diagnosed by the Ukrainian doctors so these fears are real and still exist. I’ve looked back at my childhood and realized that if I had grown up today, I would probably have many labels applied to me, and I came out OK (according to my wife).

Our latest fear is whether or not we made it for this year or not. We are caught up in some bureaucracy and waiting for word. If we missed this year, then we’ll have to redo some paperwork and submit for 2008. It’s an inconvenience and would have additional costs but not insurmountable. We’ve waited this long and will wait however long it takes to complete this process.

Together, and with prayers, we will prevail. Fear serves a purpose as long as we don’t let it control us. Each step presents its unique problems and fears, and each fear has its own solutions. Through fear, we’ve learned so much more than when we started this process and through education, fears have been alleviated or diminished. We hope that through education, your fears and apprehensions can also be alleviated.

Nesting

First, no new news yet. Our paperwork is in limbo in Kiev. It's been translated but there were some issues with technicalities with a couple of forms. These were corrected awhile ago and just waiting to get word as to what our status will be.

NESTING

I've been reading the boards and blogs for nearly a year now and never did understand what PAP's meant by nesting. Now I understand. For me, it's easiest to think about what birds do in preparation for their young; create an environment that's conducive to raising their young, a nest.

Well, it appears that we've been nesting for awhile now and just didn't realize it. Several years ago when we were shopping for a house, we purchased one that would fit the family we had in mind. We're in the middle of fixing up a room for the kids. Since we don't know what we'll be getting, we are prepping one of our rooms for both kids. If we end up with a girl and a boy, then I'll convert our home office/computer room into a second bedroom for the kids. This will eventually happen anyway.

The room is being painted a light lilac and could be considered gender neutral. We've been shopping for beds but we're going to wait and get some input from the kids. Currently we have a day bed with a trundle that will work till we buy the furniture. I have to say that we're having a ball doing all these nesting things. I never thought shopping could be so much fun.

We both enjoy playing computer games when we can get the time to play. The last gaming console I owned was the Atari 2600. Well, we decided to get a gaming console that the whole family could participate in, we bought a Wii. I think Nintendo did a great job creating a family gaming system. It's not a hard core gamers system like the XBox 360 or Playstation 3, but it excels at group play (up to 4 players). The real test will come this weekend when we visit my brother-in-laws family (6 kids) in Portland. This will let them test drive the system with their family and I'm rather curious as to how they'll take to it. My nephew is a gamer so I expect he may not be overly impressed with the graphics, but he may get caught up in the game play as both Virginia and myself have been. We're having too much fun with the Wii.

No doubt there will be so many more things that we'll end up doing as the time grows nearer. For now, we're just doing what we can as time permits. This helps to pass the time as we wait.

Thanks for dropping by :).