Fear: concern or anxiety; solicitude
I was reading a post on one of the adoption boards about fears experienced during the adoption process. I was tempted to post a reply only to realize that the current fears are mostly different than the fears when starting our process. Since we are in the middle of the process, this post will only address those fears up to the current stage.
Our first concern was how a child/children would change our relationship. We are soul mates and extremely close, now for over 17 years. We weren’t sure if we would be able to share our time on such a level that an adoptee would require. Without having the ability to have any bio children of our own, these were untested waters. We did spend a lot of time with our nephews and niece, but this we knew is different than having a child of our own. What we did share was a love of children and a growing need to have our own; to raise and nurture, to love and be loved, to teach and be taught by. We decided that our relationship was such that it allowed us to bring children into our lives and we would stand together, all of us. And so our adoption journey began, pushing aside any fears of change that will happen.
The fear of a failed adoption is still quite real after we experienced a failed attempt at a stateside adoption. We don’t have a strong need to adopt an infant (many others want it therefore we left it to them) so we started the process for a special needs child/children in Nevada. To make a long story short, everyone who went through the classes with us did not adopt due to different problems with the process. The local process has changed, but we weren’t willing to put ourselves through that process again. Also, the thought of having a birth parent suing for custody of our children steered us to international adoption.
How were we going to pay for an international adoption? Was our place of residence appropriate for raising kids? Without yet deciding on a country, we started saving money in general. It wasn’t a conscious decision for adoption, but the purpose was guided by a future adoption. We needed a larger residence that could accommodate us all so our purchase was larger than what we currently needed but adequate for a larger family. So we started saving again specifically with an adoption in mind. A small inheritance from my father allowed us to boost our savings to a point where we could now seriously look at IA adoption.
With those fears alleviated, it was time to choose a country.
The largest fear was actually related to the health of the children in
Our latest fear is whether or not we made it for this year or not. We are caught up in some bureaucracy and waiting for word. If we missed this year, then we’ll have to redo some paperwork and submit for 2008. It’s an inconvenience and would have additional costs but not insurmountable. We’ve waited this long and will wait however long it takes to complete this process.
Together, and with prayers, we will prevail. Fear serves a purpose as long as we don’t let it control us. Each step presents its unique problems and fears, and each fear has its own solutions. Through fear, we’ve learned so much more than when we started this process and through education, fears have been alleviated or diminished. We hope that through education, your fears and apprehensions can also be alleviated.